That time I yelled at Google.

And then I exploded into a cloud of glitter stardust and butterflies.

I love to be the clown on social media. Or I should say, loved. I loved to stay up late into the night, eighth glass of wine and bleary-eyed, and interject my wit into the comments of my friends' Facebook posts. Sometimes I'd strike up a banter, often it was uninvited or inappropriate and they were like, Who invited the clown? When FB memories occasionally reminds me, the posts are so transparent, the sad clown trope just bleeds out.  My reaction now is compassion for myself (with a side of cringe.)

When I get jokey on social media these days, it's judicious and discerning for the most part. Interesting how one can read the room better when she isn't squinting through one bloodshot eyeball. Even with that pause, I have to say that most of my best ideas come out my mouth like they were catapulted.

Case in point: a friend (my age, this is relevant) posted on Facebook that she was thinking of starting a zine, and referenced back to one she contributed to years ago. I took a beat, assessed the crowd and then volleyed in that I had also contributed to the formidable Austin zine of the 90s, Dry Heave (sarcasm, but also true) and if I were to start a zine today, I'd call it Hot Flash.

After I had a minute to come down from the high I get when I deliver a good zinger, I was like, Sondra, that is actually a brilliant idea! And now that my brilliance isn't just left on a barstool but has a chance at life, I Googled it to see if it's been done before. And this is what I got:

Are you serious, Google? No, I don't mean "hot flash wine". I actually mean something quite the opposite of that. I mean, igniting this fiery feminine energy and shooting it out like a laser beam, intentional and precise. I mean, creating something magical out of thin fucking air. I mean, taking your search suggestion, popping it in the toaster, slathering with avocado and a pinch of Himalayan salt and eating it for a snack. 

That's what I mean.

So should I start a zine called Hot Flash? Rhetorical question (unless you want to comment and I love it when you do), because it's happening. I've already visualized the cover and much of the content in my dreams and morning meditation. 

And here is the true brilliance to experience as a sober creative: I can spend time nurturing ideas just for the joy of doing it. I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to know that people will see it and like it, that it will make me successful or be a worthy venture. The worthiness is in the thrill it brings me to take an idea, mold it and shape it until it becomes a precious thing I can hold in my hand.

If you want some guidance and structure to help you take an idea from lightbulb to tangible, I can mentor you through my Change Your Story coaching program. You can be someone who has follow-through, someone who gives ideas a chance at life, someone who makes something magical out of thin fucking air. I hid deep pain behind my clown make-up, I know that pain intimately. I changed the story. And now I'm glitter stardust and butterflies.