My one regret...

But I'm going to start with the good stuff first.

The few years leading up to quitting alcohol, I went from wanting to die every other day to counting my breaths until it was time to go to bed. After twelve months or so of days practicing this new way to live, I started to catch a glimpse of personal aspirations again. As time healed, eventually I could hold that same capacity for my children.

As parents, we often want our children to want what we want, mirror our own qualities and habits (particularly the ones we like). More often, we want them to do what we tell them to do and to NOT do what we tell them to avoid. But if you've had kids for longer than a minute, you know that if you wax on every day for two years about the evils of SpongeBob SquarePants, the first sleepover they have, they're going pull an all-nighter in a blanket fort watching SpongeBob (anecdote based on a true story, not mine).

At some point, you learn that unclenching your grip is way more effective. I'm not so sure I would have been in full acceptance of this had I not gotten sober: kids do what you do, not what you tell them to do. And they don't always do it on your timeline and that's okay.

In light of getting sober, I've wanted my kids to enjoy my healthier coping tools for life, like exercising and reading, but my son just wasn't picking up what I was putting down. It wasn't until he experienced some mental health issues of his own this year, and trust me, I wanted to come at him so hard with a list of everything he should do to help himself feel better, but instead I just kept doing what I do. Something shifted for him shortly after and he picked up a skateboard. Now every evening when he feels himself sliding, he tells me it's time to hit the streets. Now that Covid Summer is winding down, he's connecting some threads he's been exploring and has jumped on his bike to the used bookstore three times in a week.

That being said, if I had to name one regret, it's that I will never have a baby as a sober Mom. Grief can be a mysterious emotion for me, but this can knock the breath out of me. However, I can't change that. I can only write this new story. 
So like you other Mamas reading this, I'm just going to keep doing what I do. Our kids will still make choices we wish were different but keep modeling the solution. Our kids may not be listening but I promise, they are watching 🦋

If you are on the cusp of a transition, you can see your next phase but it feels just out of reach because old stories of regret or shame are keeping you circling the drain...if you are ready to move from survivor to thriver, I can help you rewrite that story. Modeling a solution is the good stuff and my hope is you get there too.