The serpentine path eventually revolves ⭕

Besides, if you were offered the straight shot, would you take it anyway?

Probably not. Sounds boring. The path we're given is often circuitous and meandering, but the scenery is way better.

I didn't know that skirting close to a relapse followed by a seven year recovery milestone would take me back to the first page of my sobriety journal, but it did.

Written the first week of my one year sobriety "experiment", I had no idea how prophetic those words would turn out to be, although I had a glimmering. The last seven years have not been a smooth and arrowed trajectory. There's been death and perimenopause and kids becoming teens and failure and a pandemic. There has also been four years of a successful podcast and creative risks and a community of creative, sober women 1000+ strong. It's been circuitous and meandering and I'm grateful for all of it.

All of this reflection has brought me back to this: Sobriety is a Midlife Solution. How did I do it, stop drinking? Honestly, it's becoming harder and harder to say. It was part miracle, part spiritual experience, part dumb luck, but mostly I was sick and tired. It's a conversation I'm becoming less interested in having though. Not because I don't want to shut the door to how bad it was, but I'm more interested in how someone stayed sober yesterday. How do you do it when you have to cancel travel plans once again because of rising Covid numbers and deal with teen expectations and keep an eye on a parent's precarious health and sweat through another hot flash? How do you stay sober through all of that?

So I'm creating a space to have these conversations. It's called The Midlife Solution.

Every month, we will explore a topic: Why is sobriety a Midlife Solution? What do I do with this creative sense of urgency? How can I embrace the idea of myself as a "late bloomer"? How happy am I to be going through menopause sober? (Alternative title: I can't believe I'm going through menopause sober?) There will be monthly live calls, community discussions, topical breakout rooms. There will be bonus content, like interviews, AMAs and a book club! (So excited about the book club.) It's almost ready to go and it's what I need, what I've needed all along.

The women who get in this community on the ground level will get to watch it build and evolve but they will also get to influence the shape as it does. The space will only become more valuable with time. If this sounds like a space you need too, the doors will be open soon. Life will always be a labyrinth, but it's a path best navigated with friends.

xoxo

I'd like to tell you about a magical place 💫

It's a secret place...

And while I can't give you all of the otherworldly details this space holds, I must describe this place because, and this may sound hyperbolic, I think it holds some of community's solutions as we warily walk towards 2021.

When Tammi and I opened The Unruffled Podcast secret Facebook group in 2017, I expected it to be a space of empty seats, held spots for other women who had been beaten down by alcohol, much like a recovery meeting. But what would set our space apart would be the allowance for another kind of conversation, one informed by the re-coupling of women to their creative kindling, something they may have feared they'd lost forever. And it has been this kind of space: there is shared empathy and compassion, supportive feedback and story after story of "here's how I did it".

What I did not expect was the microeconomy that has taken root and flourished in this safe, connected space. We buy each other's stuff! We buy each other's programs, coaching, and energy services. We buy each other's art and handmade goods, like pottery and jewelry and blended oils. We read each other's published words, from blogs to books. When I help women develop their creative offerings through my program, Change Your Story, I encourage them to share their offering in the group when they're ready and they will have 900 of their ideal customers waiting. 

It only works because there are parameters, which I'll explain later, but I'd like to tell you why I think this byproduct microeconomy has been so vital:

1. It builds some self-esteem in women who lost so much of it during their drinking years because they now feel seen and supported.

2. It bolsters and validates their creative ideas.

3. They help each other build wealth and by allowing others to extend generosity, a reciprocal energy is created.

These women market their businesses outside of our group too, and I won't mention anyone because of anonymity but I bet they would all credit the Unruffleds as a big percentage of their customer base (I know I do).

In a moment in time when social media can sometimes feel like stepping into Times Square, advertisements flashing and beeping at you and if they aren't outright assaulting your senses, it's a more clever marketing strategy, like a smiling face or sincere words that leave you feeling less violated but still creeped out, this is just more real. Even though it exists in a virtual space, it seems more tangible. Monetary promotion is only allowed on Fridays, so it's the expected day for everyone to show up and say, This is me and This is what I have for sale. There are no hidden agendas, no ways to slide it under the radar any other time. It's straight-forward with integrity and the fact that I'm describing it as refreshing means that it feels like a breath of rarified air right now. I know the pandemic has meant that creative entrepreneurs have had to get more aggressive in their marketing, exhaust every angle, I get it. That I even link back to my website at all in this newsletter means I am complicit. But it's also why I love the integrity of #CreativeShareFridays and the microeconomy that Tammi and I accidentally launched there.

This secret Facebook group is so many things, but what it has also been is a place for women to proudly promote their thing while everyone else gets to hold up a high-five at the least, and monetarily support at best. Maybe these small communities of exchange are going to solve some problems going forward, perhaps, I'm no economist. But I do know that I'm going to champion our space and all of the women that get to engage in its magic.

If you are female-identifying and are on Facebook, you are welcome to join our supportive space. You don't have to have something to sell and if you do, it only happens on Fridays. Just find myself or Tammi on FB and send us a message that you'd like to join.

What You Resist, Do That (Seven Weeks)

I mentioned in my last blog post that I'm pulling a notecard where I categorized my first sobriety journal, in anticipation of three years of sobriety, I'm reflecting on a bit of what I wrote. Yes, I know, breaking the ODAAT rules, but I like how this exercise is forcing me to look back. My past is not where I live nor where I want to put my valuable energy, the shame that brings up throws me right back in fear jail and once again, I am stuck. But I do need to remember how fragile and precious those first days and weeks were, and how I was like a sponge, sopping up every bit of wisdom I could lay my eyes on. The one I pulled today is about resistance.

It says, "Instead of looking what you are willing to do, look at what you are unwilling to do. Look at the resistance. Because if what ever you are doing isn't working, it's time to try something different." When I reached three months of sobriety, I remember very distinctly the extent of my willingness. I felt so different after that short time, I was much more afraid of going back than I was to try something new. That started with reaching out to people I knew that were sober, telling my friends, No, it's not just for tonight, I'm NOT drinking. This was when I started thinking about a 12-step program, and I didn't dive in just yet, but I began to think it could be a possibility. I started asking myself questions like, Well, why not? Is that true? Maybe, perhaps, I could? I took out that very long list of things I'd been adding to for decades, things that I didn't do, couldn't do, wasn't willing to try, Oh-that's-just-not-me and I took a long look at it. I examined every item. I had an inch of willingness and that was all that was needed.

Will it be uncomfortable? 100% of the time. And there is a 100% chance of failure. If you are willing to jump into that ring, only everything on the other side. Don't compare your first attempts at something to someone else's that is way down the road. Instead, let that be something to aspire to. If someone has what you want, set your intention on the path to get there. Name that thing you want and if you feel contempt come up (sounds like: I could never have that, that is just not me, I've never been able to do that before why do I think I could do that now...THAT voice), that is your resistance. And that is your next bread crumb, grab it.

---

So those words above me there, yeah, written a month ago and sat here unpublished. The same lessons keep showing up, don't they? I could give a million excuses why I couldn't commit to this series, even though the resistance is the obvious one. I've mentioned that working in seasons really flows for me, since I do have several passions that vie for my time. Lately, I have yearned to work with my hands. Writing is such a cerebral activity and when I neglect my hands for too long, I can feel their ache. My biggest lesson (and by virtue, gift) in recovery has been living in the moment. Whatever program you choose, rigid or loose, meetings or mats, I hope it is a program for living because that is all of it, wrapped up in a pretty bow. 

Living, showing up and say Yes has afforded me friends and opportunities that I just didn't have before. Sure, I had friends and opportunities but I always had an agenda, expectations. Now my checklist is much shorter, my first question true to my intention, Will this bring my joy? If there is a check by that question, the rest seems to fall into place.

This brings me joy.

If you live in the Austin area and haven't been to one of my meetups yet, please come! This was a succulent planting party that my friend Jenn was kind enough to host at her beautiful home. My one item list was definitely checked this day. Friends, this is what living in recovery means to me.

If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it. --Hamilton, the Musical

Reflection

I know I keep yapping about this #artexchange, but it's seriously been one of the most fun things I've ever participated in, so bear with me. When creativity and recovery collide, this is the ultimate climax (for me and I *think* the other participants are feeling it too). I can't wait to start working on the next exchange and I'll speak more about that in a second. 

You have to see what I received. This is from my friend, Caitlin, whom I'm just getting to know in this community. She made two of these, and she pressed one up against the other as a reflection, which was the theme. 

Isn't it stunning? I think it's stunning. It looks like the ocean at night with the moon reflecting off its waves. It has so much texture that it almost becomes interactive (re. I just want to touch it).

And it came with this beautiful poem.

Gah. How lucky am I?

We have exchanged names for the next #artexchange and it's going to be a huge one. They will be presented the week of the Winter solstice (December 21) and of course I'll be back to yap some more on my process first, what I've received later. This exchange's theme is surrender and that could be the title song to the soundtrack of my life. Everyday is a surrender, so I can't wait to jump in. Be sure to follow me on Instagram as I'm sure I'll be giving some little sneakpeeks in the process. We're also using the hashtags #artexchange and #recoverygalsartexchange if you want to see all of the work as a collection.

In the meantime, Happy Making! And thank you for my beautiful Reflection, Caitlin.

When An #artexchange Is More Than An #artexchange

Do you know what it's like to be enthusiastic with someone? Like really dork-out hard on ideas, projects and dreams and just be down-right giddy, nothing withheld? I've had relationships like this in my life and if these brainstorming sessions involved booze (which they often did), the ideas were left right there with the empty bottles and over-flowing ashtrays. 

And then it happened when I met Tammi. Initial social media exchanges revealed mutual interests and before long, there were phone dates and ideas for projects with actual plans and timelines for follow-through. I've not buzzed so electric with dreamy creativity in a long time. We laugh about being separated at birth and I don't know if that ever really happens, but if babies were delivered by stork, we were definitely hatched from the same egg. 

After some thoughts tossed around about the possibility of our kids doing an art exchange, we got the idea for an adult version and put the call out to our creative sober community. The response blew me away. Tammi always says, Pinch Me and honestly, that thing you hear that if you wrote out the best possible version of your life post-sobriety, you would have sold yourself short? Well, that's true. Pinch me. 

The specifics of the art exchange are the participants make a piece of art from any medium (visual, poetry, photography...as long as it can be snail-mailed or emailed) on a recovery related theme. We drew random pairs and the dates for exchanges were set for the equinoxes and solstices. The theme that Tammi and I decided for this first exchange was Reflection, and our participants were encouraged to interpret the theme in any way that seemed fitting.

Sitting in reflection is a place I've spent much time in sobriety. Whether you are taking steps or doing the actual Steps, unpacking the events in your life that have led you to where you are is something that most of us in recovery feel compelled to do. I personally try not to get too tangled up in the 'what ifs'. Every road that we didn't take in our lives, we have no experience of  and therefore, without getting into the metaphysicality of it, doesn't exist. So for the artist or creative person, in trying to make sense of your life, the examination becomes its own product. It can be art or words, it can be meaty or syrupy, but what is happened, exactly the way it was supposed to. I need reminders and need to be reminded, and then I need to pass it on.

I knew I would probably go with some textile art since textiles are my jam, but the grand idea came to me where all grand ideas originate, the shower. I've had these antique hand mirrors for a while. They are such pretty dust collectors, *sigh*. I just knew they should be the premise for my pieces. (Note: My exchange is a three-way because we had an odd number of participants. So I made two pieces and I'll receive two pieces. Lucky me.)

I broke out the mirrors and got to work on the replacements.

What a pretty reminder, right? Still beautiful, nothing has changed and it never will. How comforting. And so is embroidery, by the way. I highly recommend picking up some thread and hoops. Couch activity, need I say more.

Perfectly imperfect.

I added a little quilt padding, stitched it onto a felt backing and glued it in.

It's perfectly fine lying down.

Or it's interactive!

This is one of the funnest experiences I've ever had. The photos are coming in, so follow over on Instagram (and Tammi's IG here) and I'll post what I've received when they come in. There are a bunch of us beauties (15 to be exact), so if you want to see the whole she-bang, we are using hashtags #artexchange and #recoverygalsartexchange .

If you are a sober creative and are interested and jumping in on the next #artexchange, contact me or Tammi! We'd love to have you. Next exchange date is set for the Winter Solstice, December 21st, theme TBD.

Pinch me.