Comparison is a thief.

A thief of imagination, that is.

And I’m sure you’ve heard the other quote, attributed to Pres. Roosevelt, that comparison steals your joy. But before it steals your joy, it steals your imagination. Joy is just one of the options available but so is sadness, anger or indifference.

You may remember a few letters back I wrote about an experiment I was conducting. I’ve been feeling invisible for a while. Maybe this is what they say happens when you hit middle age? I’m okay with some invisibility, but I feel like my work isn’t reaching who it needs to reach. And when I’d slid into the habit of opening my phone first thing in the morning, it was only there to confirm that. I can’t control algorithms, who sees me or who buys my work, but I can control my imagination and what I do with it. Checking social media first thing in the morning was only showing me my limitations. It was like pinching the hose.

I won’t bore you with my thoughts on the perils of social media. We all know them. And that feeling of constriction isn’t something I feel every time I open up the apps either, or I’d just throw my phone in the garbage. But since it is unpredictable for me, drawing that boundary around part of my day has already made me feel profoundly better, even though my circumstances haven’t changed.

y creative energy feels urgent right now, but less efforting and more ease. This month in The Midlife Solution community, we are rolling over to a new topic and the concept of being a Late Bloomer felt really relevant. The expansive energy I’m in right now reminds me that it’s never too late to start something new, even if society would like to remind you that you’re way behind. The space I’ve given myself is allowing me to really examine options for whatever this transition is I feel I’m on the precipice of.

Are you in a place where you want to make some changes in your life, in your career, in your relationships or just creatively? I hope you’ll join The Midlife Solution this month. I’d love to go deep with you!

And if you have a creative project that you’d like 1:1 time with me to bring it to life, ask me about The Midlife Solution 1:1 coaching.

So with all of this time I’ve opened up, I’ve been making. I’ve gone through my 20 year archive and have pulled some products that I haven’t made in a while, like fabric cuffs. They are like art for your arms! I’ve listed two for now, but will have many more coming this week. I hope you’ll check them out!

And one more thing I’m super excited about, Ephemera Bundles. They are bundles of vintage fabric, lace and trims, buttons, thread and other ephemera…all you would need to for your own textile art project. I have a hand full listed right now, but will be adding more of those as well.

So yeah, I think my experiment is going swimmingly.

I never thought I’d say this.

But I’ve been saying it a whole lot lately and am experiencing the giddiest feeling of freedom every time I do.

“That ship has sailed.”

To be the next big fashion designer? That ship has sailed.

To be the next social media celebrity? That ship has sailed.

To be a public figure in my field? That ship has sailed.

You may hear some resignation in that but I promise you, that is not what is happening.

Instead, it’s allowing me to assess what I CAN do, what IS within reach. Instead of for the stars, I’m shooting for, like, a tree branch. And a tree branch? Well, that is something I can grab.

This is huge for someone for whom longing was her first emotional language. (And why yes, I did Google, “Is longing an emotion?”)

Longing has been both the juice to inspire action and the mud in which I’m stuck. And let’s be honest, the heir of my longing has mostly been the stars: something (or someone) way out of reach. And as a result of the overwhelming action that would be required to reach the stars, I’ve been more stuck in my life than not.

Lowering the bar and allowing that the ship has indeed sailed on some starry dreams has surprisingly opened up a world of options. A few of those options look like: going back to school, eyeing a few master’s programs, seriously entertaining the thought of working for someone other than myself for like the second or third time in my life and knowing that it could only happen sometime in the very unknown future and being okay with that.

Jumping for the tree branch instead of the stars is not very sexy or subversive, it’s not even that risky and yet, it feels exhilarating.

I guess this is late bloomin’ 52.

Hey, do you want in on conversations like this? You should join The Midlife Solution community. We’re talking about goals and ambition and external validation and detachment and whole lot of other topics just like this. I hope to see you there.

Also, I’m having a big ol sale on all of the garments in my Marketplace (including this amazing cat robe/jacket) to make space for FALL. Ah, Fall. Hope you snag something you’ve been eyeing!

xoxo

PS. Daily cutting, stitching and making is a practice and practice is the ultimate unsexy tree branch. In case you were wondering.

Take me down to the Neutral City.

On the weekends, my husband and I like to go for long walks and end up at the gym for a little weight training. Most days, I have on a mask, earbuds and glasses and usually engrossed in a podcast, I feel like I have on a cloak of invisibility. So when a young woman (late 20s if I had to guess) approached me this past Saturday, I’m pretty sure she was waving for a good 15 seconds before I realized my cloak wasn’t actually effective and she was trying to speak to me.

“You look really good,” she said through a wide grin. And when I didn’t respond, she said it again. I finally found my words, “Oh my gosh, thank you!”

I’ll admit, that gave me a little swoosh of energy to finish my workout. When my husband and I were walking home, I told him about it. But then, that was it. I didn’t think about the exchange again. It just entered Neutral City.

Until yesterday in the shower, that is, where all of my deep thinking takes place and it hit me, “Oh, she meant, ‘…for my age.’ She didn’t finish her sentence. She meant, ‘I look good…for my age.’”

And then I just stood under the water and relished in my own growth for a moment and here’s why: if she had said that to me when I was 40, I would have immediately picked up on what she didn’t say and I would have taken it as a slight. You know, one of those underhanded compliments that comes with an (often unsaid) disclaimer that leaves you not really knowing how to feel like, “You have such a pretty face!” (Unsaid: “As for the rest of your body, it could use a little attention.”) Yes, I received the compliment, but mostly I just felt neutral about it. Can I get a high-five, because that is some serious detachment from the need for external validation RIGHT THERE!

And it’s true! I deliriously DON’T CARE! I don’t care what you think about my body. I don’t care if you think I dress inappropriately for my age. I don’t care if you dislike my cellulite. I don’t care if you resent how I show up, if you think I’m too loud or aggressive or talk too much or have too many ideas. I DON’T CARE. And I’ll tell you what I DO care about: I care about what YOU think about YOU. And I can’t tell you if this shift happens on a timeline but I am pretty sure that for me, it’s been the combination of this decade (50) and the work I’ve done in recovery.

And THIS is what excites me about my membership community, The Midlife Solution. Nothing thrills me more than experiencing women extending their freedom to stretch and grow in any way they damn well please and to have a place to be witnessed and supported and high-fived by other women who are doing it too. That kind of energy creates a contagion of reciprocity, like the idea that “a rising tide raises all boats”. There’s enough going on in the world and it’s hard not to spiral in despair or resignation, at the least. I want The Midlife Solution to be a web of relief, not only because creativity and community matter, but besides nature and family, they are the only sane tethering in an insane world.

I don’t need you to tell me I’m right about that. I just hope you’ll come see for yourself.

The serpentine path eventually revolves ⭕

Besides, if you were offered the straight shot, would you take it anyway?

Probably not. Sounds boring. The path we're given is often circuitous and meandering, but the scenery is way better.

I didn't know that skirting close to a relapse followed by a seven year recovery milestone would take me back to the first page of my sobriety journal, but it did.

Written the first week of my one year sobriety "experiment", I had no idea how prophetic those words would turn out to be, although I had a glimmering. The last seven years have not been a smooth and arrowed trajectory. There's been death and perimenopause and kids becoming teens and failure and a pandemic. There has also been four years of a successful podcast and creative risks and a community of creative, sober women 1000+ strong. It's been circuitous and meandering and I'm grateful for all of it.

All of this reflection has brought me back to this: Sobriety is a Midlife Solution. How did I do it, stop drinking? Honestly, it's becoming harder and harder to say. It was part miracle, part spiritual experience, part dumb luck, but mostly I was sick and tired. It's a conversation I'm becoming less interested in having though. Not because I don't want to shut the door to how bad it was, but I'm more interested in how someone stayed sober yesterday. How do you do it when you have to cancel travel plans once again because of rising Covid numbers and deal with teen expectations and keep an eye on a parent's precarious health and sweat through another hot flash? How do you stay sober through all of that?

So I'm creating a space to have these conversations. It's called The Midlife Solution.

Every month, we will explore a topic: Why is sobriety a Midlife Solution? What do I do with this creative sense of urgency? How can I embrace the idea of myself as a "late bloomer"? How happy am I to be going through menopause sober? (Alternative title: I can't believe I'm going through menopause sober?) There will be monthly live calls, community discussions, topical breakout rooms. There will be bonus content, like interviews, AMAs and a book club! (So excited about the book club.) It's almost ready to go and it's what I need, what I've needed all along.

The women who get in this community on the ground level will get to watch it build and evolve but they will also get to influence the shape as it does. The space will only become more valuable with time. If this sounds like a space you need too, the doors will be open soon. Life will always be a labyrinth, but it's a path best navigated with friends.

xoxo