I’m unsure when exactly I accepted this story as truth. Maybe it was sitting in church pews for the entirety of my youth and observing this: Some folks were born with the singing voices of angels, but the rest of us? We were somewhere on the spectrum of mediocre to the poor things that couldn’t carry a tune to save their lives.

I was definitely in Camp Mediocre and while that didn’t keep me from singing, it never occurred to me that if I’d sought out some training like vocal lessons, I could get better. I honestly thought that one was born talented and the rest of us were doomed to oridinary and that was just one of life’s many fates. Holding tight to this belief kept me from pursuing many creative identities that I longed to try on. I wasn’t a virtuoso so I didn’t see the point.

Because of the intense self-examination I’ve done in the past decade, I’ve been able to drill this story down to fear, specifically, fear of rejection. It was only until I went to back to college a second time, when I finally gave myself permission to follow a creative curiosity, permission to be mediocre, to discover that I wouldn’t die from constructive critique, that one can practice their way into talent that I changed my story.

I’ve been doing my creative work long enough now that sure, I’ve had a few accolades but the bliss I expected to result has been so brief, it’s hardly left an impression. I’m not impervious to the dopamine rush of validation, but I see it as a false flag. I’m optimistically driven to create and share regardless of applause, criticism or indifference, hand to heart.

If you can rise above the clouds of needing validation, you can see for miles.

Next Week: It’s all information.

I’m having an end of Gemini Season Sale! Take 25% off of anything in the Marketplace by entering the code GEMINI23 at checkout! Offer is good through midnight, 6.21. Hope you find your soulmate!

If you’ve overcome something hard, if you’ve transformed self-harm to self-care, if you meditate every morning, say your prayers every evening, confess to therapists and friends on the reg and you still haven’t manifested your deepest desires, you aren’t doing it wrong. If you are doing everything listed above while also remembering that life is more or less ‘chop wood, carry water’ and YET you still harbor a secret expectation that is juicier than that tedious visual suggests, you aren’t doing it wrong. If you’ve done the ‘work’ and life is still pretty average, you aren’t doing life wrong.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been optimistic. It is my nature, even as I’ve veered off into magical thinking (and ignoring truth). Before the books and the movies and the social movements, I was sold the Law of Attraction by the church of my youth. Buying into this came with a high cost: Ignoring the truth of my privilege, damaging my self-worth when bad shit happens (because I don’t care what kind of supreme manifestor you are, bad shit happens) and losing my connection to humanity.

The chamber I live in loves to broadcast a certain Marianne Williamson quote that, rest assured, I got plenty a kick out of too. The essence of this soapbox statement from A Return To Love is to own your power, your beauty, your fabulousness and doing anything other than this is playing small. But I’ve had some time to reconsider this and I’ve come to the conclusion that life doesn’t owe me anything, that I’d rather be compassionate and empathetic over powerful and fabulous, and I’m including the relationship I have with myself. I’m not entitled to anything except this moment right here, another moment to live my average life and make my mediocre art.

If you are making your mediocre art and you still have not manifested fame, fortune and success, please don’t let that stop you from your creative work. Don’t let your lack of manifestations put a ding in your self-value or the value of whatever creative work you pursue. You aren’t too old, it’s not too late, don’t let the Manifest Agenda tell you what success looks like. I, for one, need your mediocre art. It gives the rest of us permission to make our mediocre art. Hey, I’ll even be your biggest fan!

Maybe the manifest “live your best life” messaging never landed for you either, but you still need a little pep-talk, so here you go: your mediocre art is still worth doing, your ordinary work is still worth creating, your average life is still worth living. I’ll even have the audacity to say, the WORLD of middle-aged women need it. The real reward is that everyday, you get to show up curious. I want to be noticing, not manifesting and what I’m beginning to realize is that THIS is where true freedom lives.

Next week: Talent vs. Mediocrity

Last Friday, had my first photoshoot toward building my portfolio for my new project that will eventually be a new offering, targeting creative women over 40. I'm so excited about this I could explode. Jenn is transitioning from a pharmacist to an herbalist and I'm thrilled to help her realize her new vision. I have many more sessions booked this Summer and I look forward to sharing a few peeks and behind-the-scenes along the way.

As always, the Marketplace is open! Clothe yourself in luxury garments and accessories that are kind to your Mother Earth. xo.

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Nothing left to lose.

The Anti-Manifest Agenda