Equinox it off.

My brain hates change. I don’t think it’s a projection to assume yours does too.

However, because you are receiving this letter, that most likely means that you know change intimately. But why, WHY do we (I) forget that you can’t do the same thing over and over and expect a different result?

The Fall Equinox is as good a day to start as any. My creativity deserves the best part of my day and for me, it’s the hours from waking up until about 1pm. But instead of creating before I consume, I’ve slumped back into the habit of opening up my phone first. Email turns into social media and then I have to Google something and before I know it, I’ve lost at least an hour (ok, usually more). But it’s not just the lost hours that I suffer, and this was harder to admit. The phone is the thief of my imagination and therefore, possibility. No matter what my mindset is upon waking (and I’m a perpetual optimist, so it’s usually pretty good), scrolling through anything on my phone never fails to introduce limitations and dread. Never fails.

You know when you go camping in the mountains without data or wifi and that feeling of expansiveness you have every time you wake up? That’s the feeling I’m after. Hell, that was everyday of our lives before smartphones, right? (Provided you grew up in a relatively safe household with a roof over your head.)

That feeling has been very elusive for a few months. If I were to ruminate on my timeline (and no worries, I have), I’ve felt stuck since June, when I lost 900 wedding photos while transferring them from my camera to my computer. I danced around this in one of the last Unruffled podcasts that Tammi and I recorded before we took an indefinite break, and I’ve yet to really write about it publicly, but it fucked me up. The photos were recovered, edited and delivered, but I feel a bit like Alice. It’s like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole, I feel very small and I can’t find the cake to make me right-sized again. And guess what? The cake isn’t on Instagram, I’ve looked.

So no, I’m not deleting all apps and extracting myself. There may be a season for that but it’s not this one. I am just implementing some structure to my days so that I can be relentless and undaunted in the hot pursuit of my goals.

And now I’m sharing that with you, because this girl likes a little accountability. And no judgement either because I’ve tried setting this intention before and following through and I’ve failed. July 13, 2014 is an arbitrary day but it was the first day of drastic change for me. September 22, 2021 is as good a day for change as any.

Do you want a fine community of women to be accountable to? Maybe you want to start a practice or quit something or work towards a goal…The Midlife Solution community is a good place to work that out. It’s my subscription community for sober, creative women in midlife and I’d love to have you join us.

I’ve been whipping out some meditation pillows lately and I’m kinda on a roll. They are made from 100% recycled upholstery fabric, even the zippers are reuse. They are filled with buckwheat hulls so they feel very grounded under your bum. They are also one-of-a-kind and they make great gifts! And if that’s what your thinking, it’s not too early if you are thinking about Christmas. I know, I said it, but doesn’t Sept through Dec fly by? I’m hoping my new daily practice will slow it down.

xoxo